Falling in Love the Second Time
by Wilhelmina Bonfiglio
Summary: They say having a child is like falling in love a second time. For Selina Kyle it wasn't nearly that simple. A companion piece to FATHER'S DAY.
1. Chapter 1

**Content warning:** This story contains mentions and depictions of miscarriage/pregnancy loss.

* * *

Selina felt numb from her head to her toes.

She had the sudden sensation of ice water running through her veins. She couldn't see the look of deep embarrassment and concern on Lois and Clark's faces. She couldn't feel Lois' hand gingerly touching her elbow. Her senses had gone completely blind.

It took her moment to realize that it wasn't Bruce's voice or touch trying to comfort her as she had expected. That was a bad sign. Bruce was supposed to be the reliably levelheaded one. No matter how bad things were, he was always able to talk her down. But now? Now he was sitting right next her, but she had the distant feeling that he was a million miles away. That sent another jolt of shock through her body.

"I don't think they knew," she heard Lois whisper, not to her, from across the table.

Selina's heart was racing, but she began to return to her body. She hadn't realized that her hands were cupped over her mouth to mask her shock and horror, until she began to lower them trembling into her lap. She would have ordinarily been embarrassed by emoting so publicly. So, unlike herself. Right now, that really didn't seem to matter.

"Selina," she heard Clark say a little louder, once the ringing in her ears has subsided. She slowly raised her gaze, so she was looking at him and not through him. "I'm so _so_ sorry. I thought that's what you wanted to tell us."

"No," her voice sounded far away. "No, no..."

She struggled to remember why they had decided to make the trip all the way up to Metropolis. What had been so important that they had to tell their good friends Lois and Clark in person at dinner? Whatever it was it really didn't seem that important anymore. Nothing did.

xXx

Selina laid on the bed in the hotel suite in complete silence. She had grown up in the narrows and could usually be lullabied by the sounds of sirens blaring in the night. Even the occasional sound of gunshots never stopped her from getting a good night's sleep.

Tonight, her mind wouldn't shut off. She kept replaying the moment; she kept seeing Clark and that goofy genuine grin.

_Two heartbeats coming from one person. _

The rest of the night had been awkward and mostly silent. Lois and Clark tried to steer the evening back on track, but the damage was done. Bruce finally found his voice enough to bid them a terse but polite farewell.

As soon as they were in the car the real panic set in. At least for Selina. While she was borderline hyperventilating and bemoaning how this could happen. Bruce weakly tried to reassure her, but his jaw was tense. She could tell he was worried too, and that scared her even more. Now he was shuffling around in the bathroom, avoiding…avoiding bed? Avoiding her? He didn't have a cave to hide in in Metropolis. Selina suddenly found herself so unsure of things.

Selina must've worried herself to sleep at some point. She awoke to Bruce climbing into bed. The room was pitch black except for the moonlight streaking Bruce's face. His eyes were open. Selina didn't move but he knew she was awake, and she knew that he knew that she was awake.

"Do you want to get a test?" He asked after a very long time.

"No."

"Do you want me to get a test for you."

"No," she said stronger this time.

More silence.

"We weren't very careful," he said after a while, his tone tinging on anger.

Selina knew he was blaming himself. He was self-sacrificing like that. The way all altruistic do-gooders like him were.

"We're newlyweds," Selina said as if that somehow excused their carelessness.

"You got sick twice last week."

"It's winter. In Gotham. It was the flu."

"When was the last time you-"

Even in complete darkness he could see the harsh look Selina threw at him over her shoulder. He didn't say anything more on the matter.

xXx

Bruce allowed Selina to carry on in pathological denial for another week once they got home to Gotham. He didn't say anything to Alfred either, not that he needed to be told. The tension in the manor since their return from Metropolis had been palpable. Selina wouldn't go out on patrol with Bruce and was suddenly spending more time at the apartment she hadn't been back to since they got married.

Denial was a powerful drug.

She told herself that Clark was mistaken. The missed period could be due to stress. It could happen. It could! The sporadic bouts of nausea were leftovers from that touch of flu she had. It was all explainable. She tried telling this to Bruce every time he tried to bring it up, but he just got that very serious look on his face. That look that was getting in the way of her denial.

So, she did what always did with her problems: she ran away from it. It was a childish habit that she thought she had outgrown. Lois had teased her before she had gotten married that she was too young to get married, and for the first she was beginning to think she was right.

It was all so easy the first few months when it was just dancing and drinking, and making love in the moonlight, but this wasn't easy. She wasn't prepared. This was real, and eventually she was going to have deal with it.

On day eight she couldn't lie to herself anymore. Bruce rubbed her back from where she was huddled over the toilet and handed her a cup of mouthwash.

"Selina," he said wearily.

"I know."

xXx

"So?" Bruce asked, already knowing the answer.

"Six weeks," Selina said in an even, but definitely not happy, tone.

Selina had insisted that she go to the doctor alone. Whatever he was feeling about the matter, she wasn't sure she could take it. In the days prior Bruce had been annoyingly calm about the whole thing. She didn't want him to be so perfectly supportive. She wanted him to be as scared and unsure as she was, but she couldn't make heads or tails of his feelings. Whenever they had discussed in the last few days he spoke in a low, calm and reassured he would support whatever she decided to do. This pissed her off even more.

They hadn't discussed having children before they had gotten married. Another foolish mistake on their part. Selina had never even given it a serious thought, and frankly did not think it was in the cards for her. She thought she was going out in this world the same way she came in: alone. But then she met Bruce who saw the good in her where others only saw the worst, and suddenly her life was filled with promise and light that she wasn't even sure she deserved. But Bruce did.

She hadn't planned on that. She hadn't planned on falling stupidly in love with that stupid man who ruined all her stupid plans.

Now here she was: 29 and married for all of six months to the most wonderfully imperfect man she'd ever known, and pregnant with his child. _Their_ child. She hadn't planned on that either.

Life was funny that way.

"So," she said. "What do you think?"

The corners of his mouth twitched suddenly but he didn't answer right away.

"Whatever you want to do I'll support."

Of course, he did. He was frustratingly perfectly supportive like that.

Selina had the feeling that Bruce was afraid to tell her how he felt about the prospect of becoming a parent. She suspected that he wanted to keep the baby. It always came back to children with him. He had an orphan complex and orphans dreamed of the day that the emptiness left by their parent's death would be filled by children of their own.

She knew this because she was an orphan too.

But Selina wasn't like other orphans. She had never thought of herself as mother, and she wasn't a natural nurturer. She was vain, detached, selfish, independent to a fault and that's the way she liked it. She had resigned to fact that a person like her could never be a mother, and she accepted that a long time ago. She couldn't possibly change her way of thinking now.

"Do you know what you want to do?" He asked slowly.

He didn't want her to feel pressured to decide on anything. Selina shrugged dejectedly.

She didn't know. Did she?

"Selina-"

"I don't really think that I would be a good mother. I don't think-"

Her words came out fast but trailed off.

She was afraid to look at Bruce, afraid to meet his glaze.

"Selina," he said gently touching the side of her face. She turned to look at him. Turned to look at the saddest, most profoundly disappointed look she'd ever seen.

"When are you going to stop doubting yourself?"

xXx

"What about Charlotte?" Bruce asked.

"I like Charlotte."

"What about Scarlett?"

"I like Scarlett."

Selina was having a good day today. _Today_. After weeks of keeping Bruce on edge, she finally decided that they should have the baby. She was still not convinced that they weren't making the biggest mistake of their entire lives and where way in over their heads, but a child sounded…nice, and she was warming up to the idea. Plus, she had told herself that falling in love with the Batman and getting married were the biggest mistakes of her life, and so far, she was doing okay.

She was going to embrace fate.

Bruce was happy about it, she thought. He was always hard to read. Selina had gotten a onesie with a bat on it as a joke but stumbled across it in his nightstand a few nights ago.

Alfred, on the other hand, made no secret about his elation. He went on and on endlessly about how wonderful it would be to have a child in the house again and was even more so pleased that Bruce and Selina had "done it the proper way."

Bruce had been sitting on the couch drinking a coffee and reading the news on his tablet with a small smile playing on his lips. He seemed more serene and at peace than Selina had ever seen him. She brought up the name just to stop herself from staring.

"I hadn't really thought about it." He was lying clearly. "But I've always liked the name May*. It evokes a new start. A new beginning."

"Well that's… nice, Bruce. But I don't think it's going to be born ninety years old."

She had only meant to tease him, not engage with him over baby names for a half an hour. Oops.

"What about Helena?"

"Helena?"

"It's of Greek origin. It means brightly, shining light."

Selina laughed slightly, "Bruce, these are all girls' names."

"So what?"

"_So_\- when was the last time there was a girl born into the Wayne family?"

It was true; the Wayne lineage geared strongly male.

"Well…"

"Alfred, when was the last time there was a girl born into the Wayne family?"

"I believe Solomon Wayne had a daughter born around 1806 that did not survive infancy," Alfred said, without stopping to look up from where he had been polishing silverware.

Selina gave Bruce a see-I-told-you-so look.

"So, this will be the first," he told her.

"I think we should pick out a boy name so we're not disappointed."

Bruce just smiled, "I'm right. You'll see."

Selina was about to make a smart-alecky response when her phone began to buzz. It was Lois.

"Keep that one," Selina said pointing to a name on the impromptu list that they had made, before sliding off the couch. Just in case.

xXx

Selina was having a bad day.

Vicious pain in her lower back had set in, and persistent nausea meant she spent the entire flight to Metropolis willing herself not to vomit. Lately she had been feeling not great. She was sore, tired, and sick all the time. Never had she ever felt more unlike herself, which made her resent the life growing inside of her. A parasite is what it was. Sucking up all her natural resources and leaving her weak and miserable.

Bruce gently but strongly suggested that she cancel her trip. Selina refused, of course. Lois had learned that Anatoli Knyazev, the infamous Russian weapons trafficker, was in contact with Lex Corp, and needed help dealing with some less than pleasant contacts for an exposé. Lois and Selina both agreed that things were sometimes more efficient without the involvement of their worrisome husbands.

Truth be told Selina that she wasn't up to potentially kicking in anyone's teeth today, but she would go without question. Because Lois asked for her help. Because it was the right thing to do.

Because…

Because she was Catwoman damn it! Pregnant or not, and she had to prove it to herself.

xXx

The cramping started in the mid evening.

Lois was going to meet her at her hotel and then they were to meet with the gunrunners at their rendezvous point. Selina had been getting ready in the bathroom when she was struck by a sudden, severe pain in her back and abdomen. She dropped to floor hunched over, barely able to breathe through the pain.

The worst of the pain subsided almost as quickly as it had started. The relief was only momentary. Selina pulled herself into a standing position, her body still throbbing but bearable. She caught it in the mirror. A dark patch of blood had seeped through her jeans.

"Oh no," she whispered to herself.

This could not be happening. Not here. Not now in this hotel room when she was all alone. She stumbled out of the bathroom not sure what to do and not thinking clearly. Instinctively she grabbed her phone and started to dial Bruce's number. She hung up after the first ring. He was probably out on patrol right now, 200 miles away. If she called, he would panic. He'd panic and do something stupid or reckless that would get him injured or worse. No. She couldn't tell him. Not like this. Not yet.

Her mind went into autopilot. She changed out of her now stained jeans, grabbed her jacket, and headed out the door. She nearly bumped right into Lois.

Lois' friendly smile faded immediately. Selina look extremely flushed and had a very somber look on her face.

"Oh, hi Lois. I know that I said I would help you tonight, but… I think I'm going to go the emergency room instead," Selina said solemnly, heading for the elevator.

"Why? What's wrong?"

Selina turned to face her.

"I think I'm having a miscarriage."

xXx

"Don't blame yourself," Lois said, as if reading Selina's mind.

She was laying in the trauma bay in the emergency room at Metropolis General Hospital, where they had been waiting for over an hour to see a doctor. Selina wasn't listening to Lois though. She wasn't even looking at her. She listening to the hacking coughs of her neighbor in the other bed, separated by thick, but not think enough curtain. It was all she could do not to blame herself.

_This is all my fault. _

She knew it had been too good to be true. This is what she got for actually believing that she could have a happy ending after everything she did in her past. This is what she got for thinking she had somehow atoned for all her sins. This is what she got for getting attached. Picking out names? What the hell was she thinking! This was exactly what she deserved.

Divine and cosmic retribution.

Yes; she probably deserved this, but Bruce didn't. She pushed Bruce out of her mind. She couldn't bear the thought of telling him. It brought tears to her eyes. Watching his heart break again right in front of her.

Lois brushed a piece of hair from Selina's face consolingly. She knew the feeling all too well, from her own struggles to expand her family. But this devastation was new for Selina. She was still young, and in all their years of friendship, Lois had never seen her look so sad. Bruce was as a private a man that she had ever met, but he let it slip one time that Selina had trouble forgiving herself.

"Should I call Bruce?"

"No. He'll just worry," Selina said sounding defeated.

"He'd want to know."

"I'll tell him when I get back. There's no sense in making him worry about it now."

Selina didn't even why she felt so…despaired? It's not like she ever planned on becoming a mother, and this pregnancy wasn't in the least bit planned. She wasn't even sure if she really wanted it. She had called her baby a parasite. It was in that moment that Selina realized how much she did want her baby.

"I'm sorry about making you miss your lead," she said changing the subject. "If you leave now you can probably still make it there in time."

"Selina, stop." Lois said. "You are my friend and I'm not going anywhere. Besides I already have one Pulitzer. Another one would just be showing off."

Selina gave a weak chuckle.

Suddenly the curtain giving them the very little privacy they had was pulled back.

"Hello, my name is Dr. Carr," the petite, dark haired woman said. "So, you are pregnant and experiencing moderate to heavy bleeding and cramping. How far along are you?"

"Thirteen weeks."

"And is this the first time you've noticed bleeding?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I just want to get a closer look here with the ultrasound to see if we can hear a fetal heartbeat."

Dr. Carr spread the cold gel across Selina's abdomen and moved the doppler around while intensely staring at the monitor. Selina's heart was pounding. She closed her eyes, hoping to just get it over with when-

Selina didn't know how to describe it as anything other than a swishing noise.

"You're not having a miscarriage. The baby's heartrate is about 160 beats per minute which is good. Very strong," she said.

Selina let out a breath that she didn't know she had been holding. Her entire body relaxed as an indescribable sense of relief washed over her.

"Here," Dr. Carr said pointing at a large dark spot on the monitor. "Looks like it's a subchorionic hemorrhage. It's a pooling of blood between the uterus and usually the membrane, but yours appears to be under the placenta. It's not super common, but nothing to be too alarmed about. It usually just goes away on its own."

"Oh," Selina could almost laugh. "You must think I'm hysterical."

Dr. Carr smiled.

"Absolutely not. Worrying about bleeding is normal and healthy. You're young and healthy so I don't think this will pose any threat to your baby. We'll keep you overnight just to monitor the bleeding and discharge you tomorrow. Just let your regular OB know so they can monitor it. Also, as of right now you'll have to be on very strict pelvic rest, which means no sex until the hemorrhage dissolves. Otherwise it could start the bleeding again."

Maybe today wasn't such a bad day after all.

xXx

Bruce had ordered Selina an eggs benedict while she was napping. He hadn't said much on the short ride from the hospital back to the hotel. Him showing up at her room early that morning had been both surprising and yet expected. If Lois hadn't called him, he likely would not have found out what happened at all.

"You'd just worry."

"It was nothing. Just a scare."

"We're both fine."

She told him over and over again. But he still had that grim and serious look on his face. She had seen that look so many times before. She never wanted it to be because of her.

A younger and more reckless Selina had never thought of herself as the marrying type. Being alone in this world was what she deserved really. So was resolved that she'd only depend on herself, so she'd never have to depend on another person. Strings made you weak.

Then she met Bruce, and she knew she had met her match.

It was the only time in her entire life that she would ever fall in love. Sure, there had been others who had capture her intrigue and affection but only for a while. It never lasted. She had never loved them even close to how much she loved herself. Bruce was different. He had at least come close. He understood her. He saw the best in her. He believed in her even when she didn't believe in herself, and that was all she needed to finally start being the person she really wanted to be, instead of the person she pretended to be.

Wearing masks was nothing new for Selina and Bruce, but the one they used to hide their authentic selves were the ones that were the hardest to crack. Selina had never felt so honest and vulnerable then when she was with Bruce. It wasn't just that she could be honest with him, but she could be honest with herself as well. It was both liberating and terrifying, but she never let fear get in the way of her life.

He made her happy. She made him happy.

She made him open up and his world just a little bit more gray. He provided her with stability—a salvation after a lifetime of chaos. They both made each other better people. They were equals and partners. They weren't going to find that with anyone else. It was a one-of-a-kind type of bond that they'd never find elsewhere, and that was because of who they were and where they'd come from.

_We are who we are. That's why this works. _

It was love in a hopeless place.

"A matchmade in a hellmouth," Selina would joke.

Though they never discussed, that's why Bruce and Silver St. Cloud would've never worked out. He genuinely loved her, and when he was younger and dumber, he truly believed that it could work out with her. How young he had been then. Love wasn't some omnificent victory march that could overcome any obstacles. Love didn't make them compatible. Love couldn't make Silver accept Bruce for who he was.

Selina knew that Bruce couldn't love her without Catwoman, just as she couldn't love him without Batman. She knew what he knew and seen what he'd seen. She could take it. She never wanted him to think that she couldn't. She never wanted to be the reason he couldn't sleep at night.

In a way she was glad that the decision had been made for her.

When Selina woke up, she could hear the muffled sound of the shower. She still felt exhausted. She stretched out her arms and legs, before rolling over onto her stomach, still buried underneath of the soft down comforter. It was dark out already, meaning she had slept the entire day away. The whole episode had drained her physically and emotionally.

She sat at the table and moved her cold eggs around the plate, when the shower stopped. Bruce emerged wearing a white rob, his hair slicked back by water. He sat in the chair across from Selina looking more worn and pensive than she'd seen him in a while.

"I think you missed a spot," Selina said after a while, referring to his completely unshaven face.

He just grumbled lowly. That was not a good sign.

"Bruce, what's wrong?"

He didn't say anything. Selina's eyes dragged from Bruce to the bathroom door. She could see her bloodied jeans still crumbled on the floor.

She cursed under her breath. She had meant to dispose of those when they got back to the hotel room. It had been on her mind to get rid of them before he could see, but between bargaining with the obstetric nurse to discharge her and promising Bruce a hundred thousand times that she was fine that morning, she had forgotten.

"Selina," Bruce started heavily. "Why didn't you call me? Why did I have to hear this from Lois? Were you ever planning on telling me at all?"

"There was nothing to tell," she said. "I'm fine. We're both fine. It was nothing. Really."

"You keep saying that. But I keep picturing it. Seeing it in my mind. Something could've happened to you, and you would've alone, and I had no idea."

"See that's exactly why I didn't want to tell you. Your mind always goes to the worst-case scenario. You were out there. You needed to be focused. If I had called you, you wouldn't have been able to focus because you'd be too consumed worrying about me. You needed to be focused. You _need_ to be focused otherwise you'll make mistakes. You'll make mistakes and get hurt and I can't have that. Not because of me."

Bruce didn't say anything for a moment, but he knew that Selina was right. As happy as he was about the baby, for the last several weeks he had been plagued by nightmares about something terrible happening to Selina. Pregnancy was dangerous, and that wasn't something he could control. He kept picturing waking up to the woman he loved bleeding out, unresponsive, eyes cloudy and open. His mind went to dark places.

Happiness had always been precarious for him and he feared that this too wouldn't last. It was fine when it was just him and Alfred and the solitude of the cave, but he couldn't bear the thought of something happening to Selina. Of course, he didn't say any of this to her. She had enough to deal with and didn't want to burden her with his problems.

"I'm your husband and I'm allowed to worry about you," he said instead.

"We're not normal people. That's not what I agreed to, and that's not what you agreed to either."

Bruce sighed heavily.

"You should eat something," he said after a while, deciding to change the subject.

This would have to be a fight for another day.

"It's cold," Selina said.

"I'll order you a new one."

Selina scowled. "That eggs benedict cost $40, Bruce. God that's just the mentality I'd expect from you Polo-riders. Our daughter is going to end up playing equestrian and summering in the Hamptons with friends named Evangeline and Guinevere, isn't she."

Bruce smiled for the first time all day.

"What?" Selina asked.

"Our daughter?"

Selina scoffed playfully. Now Bruce had her doing it.

"Shut up and order me some new eggs."

* * *

Author's note: This is intended to be a companion piece to my previous story, Father's Day, but from Selina's parenting perspective. It started to get a little long so I'm going to break it up into chapters. Hope you enjoyed the first part!

References: The Batman Who Laughs #1


	2. Chapter 2

So yeah...had to bump this up to an M rating. Which I promise you was not originally planned.

* * *

The idea that Selina was having the worst pregnancy of all time, from Selina's perspective, was only a minor exaggeration.

The bleeding had finally stopped five days after her trip to the emergency room, and though the hemorrhage had shrunken significantly in the eight weeks since, it was still taking longer to heal than Leslie had liked. Since the presence of a hemorrhage put her at an increased chance of preterm labor and a placental abruption, Selina was bumped up from pelvic rest to bed rest until it was finished healing. The novelty of being in a constant state of what some might call "relaxation" had almost instantly worn off. Selina found being stuck in bed all day anything but relaxing.

She had reread _The Scarlet Pimpernel_, _Much Ado About Nothing_, and even a little Petrarch and Gita Govinda* in the first week. Besides the persistent boredom Bruce and Alfred hovered around her constantly, as if she was made of glass, which drove Selina crazy. One day she made a break for it, and got to spend 90 blissful, solitary minutes in the greenhouse on a particularly sunny day, before Alfred found her and banished to the confines of her bedroom just like that.

"I feel like Bertha Mason," she told Bruce on more than one occasion.

Despite it all Selina tried her very best to be grateful. She was glad that their baby was healthy and developing normally and was willing to do whatever she needed to keep it that way. She told herself that her situation was only temporary. She could deal with the boredom, the isolation, the lack of activity, and the overbearing husband.

That she could deal with.

There was, however, one thing that was really getting to her more and more.

It started off simply enough. Selina, being the master escape artist that she was, defected from bed rest yet again. This time she hid out in the warmer east wing of the manor, where Alfred wouldn't find her as quickly. The room was sunnier than any of the others, and was almost completely bare, save for a wicker lounge chair, a fireplace, and piano in the center of the room.

Selina gently poked a few piano keys.

"Playing the piano in a completely empty room might not be the best idea if your plan is to stay hidden," Bruce said with his arms cross from the doorway.

Selina was unfazed by his presence.

"You wouldn't have found me if I really didn't want you to," she said as Bruce crossed the room.

"I wouldn't count on that," he said. "Selina-"

"Bruce, relax. It's not like I'm lifting weights in here. I was just looking for a quiet place to read."

Bruce didn't say anything; he just gave her _that look_.

"See," she said sitting down on the piano bench "I'm sitting. I'm relaxed. Happy now?"

"How _did _you manage to find me by the way," she said tapping a few more keys.

"I figured you would go somewhere Alfred was unlikely to look first," he said sitting next to her on the bench. "You aren't very quiet by the way."

"I am when I want to be."

Bruce flexed his fingers before pressing his hands into the piano. I did a few bars to warm up, before transitioning into Moonlight Sonata.

"I didn't know you could play the piano," Selina said.

"I am a man of many talents Ms. Kyle. Here I'll show you," he said getting up and leaning behind her.

As Bruce's hands guided Selina's on the piano, she became painfully aware of how close he was to. It was as if every sensation was magnified- his skin against hers. The muscles of his arms rippling as his hands continued to lead hers. His breathe against her neck and he murmured instructions that sounded muted in her current state. His arm brushing against the side of her breast. She felt electricity running through her.

It wasn't the usual teasing or flirting or stolen glances from across the table. It was chaste. It wasn't even remotely erotic. It was almost nothing at all.

And yet Selina had never felt so turned on in her entire life.

He whispered something against her ear that she wasn't quite listening to. Her mind was too preoccupied with the growing inferno inside her, fueled by every twitch of his muscles. She kept her eyes focused intently on the movement of their hands, but her mind kept picturing it—hoping it would move lower and lower and _lower_…

"…and those are basic chords."

Before he could utter another word Selina suddenly pressed her lips against his. The kiss took him by surprise, but he surrendered to it immediately. Selina wrapped her arms around his shoulder pulling him closer to her. He sunk back onto the piano bench and leaned in closer so that her back arch slightly over the keys.

"Bruce," she moaned quietly into his mouth. "I want you."

Bruce gently broke away from her and sighed, pressing his forehead against hers.

"Selina, we can't." He said brushing his hand against her waist.

On impulse she was about to argue against him. Not that either of them knew it at the time, but Bruce and Selina had fallen in love the moment they met. That didn't mean things weren't complicated, of course. He was Batman. She was Catwoman. Complicated didn't even begin to cover it. Bruce was the push and Selina was the pull. It was a herculean effort, but Selina chipped at his walls piece by piece. After that Bruce stopped trying to resist Selina. He embraced what he felt in his heart and for once in his life he stopped doing the right thing and did what he wanted. In a way making love was the only uncomplicated part of them. Until now that was.

Selina closed her eyes and sighed.

"I know. You're right," she said dropping her arms.

Selina had decided, after the scare in Metropolis, that she did really want this baby. It scared her how much. She wasn't naturally maternal and for so long she had lived a life that only involved worry about herself. Now she had a husband and a baby involved. She wanted to prove to herself that she could make the sacrifice, she could put someone else's needs before her own. She could and as small a gesture as it was, she could start with this.

xXx

As it turned out, involuntary celibacy was easier said than done.

It was if that day in the piano room had awaken something primal inside of her. She wasn't used to denying temptation and couldn't seem to get her mind off it. She tried everything to ease her urges. Meditation, doctor approved low impact yoga, cold showers. One night she left in the middle of the night to sleep in a different room. Nothing worked. The burden often fell on Bruce to gently turn her down on the days when it became too much her and she was feeling particularly out of control.

"These are just the hormones," he would remind her. "This will pass."

He knew they were just doing what was best for their baby. They both were but still Selina found herself increasing frustrated at her situation.

She was just so _frustrated_.

"Fuck," she groaned waking up from another shamefully erotic dream about that time they shagged at Salvatore Maroni's safe house**.

Bruce was already back from patrol and settled into bed. Before she would've gone out with him that night, maybe enticed into a race across the rooftops if he was in a good mood. Those always ended with them lying together under the Gotham moonlight.

"Are you okay?" Bruce asked half asleep.

"No," she mumbled bitterly.

He shifted suddenly, more alert.

"I'm fine," she said. "It's nothing. Go back to sleep."

Selina wasn't a praying woman, but she began to pray that every time she went in for a checkup that it would be the blessed day that they would inform her that the hemorrhage was gone, and her suffering was over. She tried her very best to keep perspective; she really did. Of course, she was glad her baby was developing normally, and she didn't want to do anything to jeopardize that, but her resolve was starting to crack.

Relief couldn't have come soon enough.

Bruce came home from patrol and was surprised to see Selina still awake. She put down the book she had been reading, a pleased and mischievous grin on her face.

"I didn't think you'd still be up," Bruce said kissing the top of her head. "Is something wrong?"

"Why do you always assume something is wrong? As it so happens, I've been waiting for you," she said as Bruce sat on the edge of the bed removing his boots.

"You should be resting."

"I rest all day long. I'm very well rested," she said coming onto her knees to massage Bruce's shoulders and running her hands along his biceps.

She ran her hands underneath of his undershirt and felt the muscles in his back trembled. Still he stiffened.

"Selina," he started.

They had this conversation before. A hundred times before.

Selina ignored him and brought herself closer to him. He shuddered when he felt her warm breath against his neck.

"Guess what?" She said, gently biting his ear.

"I-"

Before he could answer Selina pulled him backwards so that he was flat on his back and straddled him.

"Selina, please" he tried again, coming onto his elbows.

"I was medically cleared today," she said, running her hands under the front of his shirt across his pecs and down the rigid muscles in his abdomen.

Bruce's breathing hitched.

"I don't have to be on rest anymore, and I know the perfect way to celebrate," she said tugging up the bottom of his shirt.

"So, the hemorrhage is gone?"

"Yes," she said. "Mostly."

"What does that mean?"

Selina shrugged. "That I probably don't need to worry about it."

She was too preoccupied in her task of getting Bruce undressed to get into specifics.

"Probably?" Bruce said, removing her hands from his chest. "What exactly did the doctor say?"

Selina sighed exasperatedly. "She said that it had shrunk significantly, and I probably don't need to worry about it anymore."

She expected that to be enough for enough for him. Instead he pulled away when she went to kiss him.

"Bruce, this is a good thing. Why are our clothes still on?"

He didn't answer her immediately. Selina had been such a good sport these last couple of months. Restraint was completely against her nature and yet she had allowed everyone to fuss over her. She had been patient. She took it easy. She stayed in bed. She went to all her appointments. She only mildly complained, even though he knew she hated every minute of it. She just wanted to let go.

Of course, he wanted to be intimate with his wife. He wanted nothing more than to press her into the mattress and to feel his pressure on her hips. Not be able to be with her was hard for him too. Expressing how they were feeling didn't come naturally to Bruce and Selina. Anything they felt- the grief, failure, joy, mania- they just swallowed it down and watched it fester until the darkness leaked from every pore. Sometimes they just needed release. Sometimes they needed to lose control.

The reason, Selina often theorized to herself, that she and Bruce were so sexually compatible was because they were emotionally in sync. Even in the early days when it was just masks, dancing, and chardonnay they seemed to give each other exactly what they needed. Without being told they could differentiate between the nights when a particularly steamy tango on the rooftops demanded rough, almost violent fucking and the nights when they were so emotionally raw it required tender love making.

He knew in addition to the out of control pregnancy hormones, that was what she missed the most. Craved it. Hungered for it. He did too. As much as he loved Selina and as far as they'd come together, it still wasn't easy for him to be vulnerable. He didn't always want to tell Selina about how he felt like the rage he'd been carrying around since that night in the alley when he was eight years old would swallow him whole. He still worried if she were too exposed to this side of him, she'd turn her back on him.

Who could possibly love a man this broken? This irreparable.

Now they were having a child, and for the first real time in his life he was beginning to see to the light at the end. Here was something good they were bringing into the world. Something innocent and undamaged despite all of the horror. It was a true reprieve, a blessing really, but he had never been that lucky. Though the prospect of having a family of his own was a joy he could never describe, the fear of losing them was always looming over him. Something bad would happen. It always did. He could never be so lucky that he could have them both.

But if there was a way to keep them safe, no matter how slight, he'd do it. He would do anything to keep them.

"Selina," he started slowly. "I think we should wait a little while longer. Just to be sure."

Selina stared at him blankly for a moment.

"Are you serious?"

"Selina-"

"So, we're just never going to have sex again?"

"We should just wait until it's completely gone and do what's best for the baby."

Selina felt a wave of anger wash over her.

"What's best for the baby?! Bruce, I've been laying in bed for over a month doing what's best for the baby. What about what's best for me? I'm a person, Bruce! I'm not just a vessel. I've been miserable for months. Now I'm debasing myself by throwing myself at you, and you're going to humiliate me by turning me down?"

Bruce sighed, "I'm sorry-"

Selina didn't want to hear it.

"Fine," she said curtly, climbing off him.

Without another word she quickly retreated from the room, slamming the door behind her.

xXx

Bruce woke up the next morning with the distinct feeling that he had fucked up.

Selina never came back to bed. He assumed that she had slept in a guest bedroom, but a small part of him thought that she might have packed her things and left him for good. He was surprised to see her already at the table when he went down for breakfast.

"Good morning," he said to no response.

Selina turned away when Bruce leaned in to kiss her.

Bruce sighed and slid into the chair perpendicular to Selina. He had hoped that with sleep she'd be in a better mood. A clear miscalculation.

"How did you sleep?" He asked, lightly taking her hand in his.

Without answering Selina snatched her hand away and crossed her arms across her chest. Bruce sighed, giving up on his attempts at peace. He would just need to give her space for a while.

The rebuff did not go unnoticed by Alfred. He had surmised from the slamming of doors in the middle of the night that marital discord was afoot. He wasn't sure what Master Bruce had done wrong, but Mrs. Wayne had seemed to be especially dour that morning. He cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Ms. Lane will be coming by later. Mrs. Wayne, shall I arrange afternoon tea, or would you prefer a full lunch course?"

"Well who cares what the incubator wants," she said sharply.

"Selina," Bruce started.

Selina abruptly pushed back from her seat and left. Things more or less carried on the same way for the better part of a week. Lois' visit kept her preoccupied for at least a few days. Even without spending much time with Bruce and Selina in the same room together, Lois could see that there was tension. She tried to pry out what was going on, but she had refused to talk to her about it.

Truth be told; Selina was too embarrassed to admit that she wasn't speaking to her husband and sleeping in separate rooms because he didn't want to have sex with her. But it was more than that. It was a storm of emotion that she wasn't entirely sure she could blame on the baby hormones making her crazy.

She tried to maintain perspective, but she couldn't help but be resentful. She resented how quickly this had become her life. How quickly she had been forgotten. It was as if the second she became pregnant it was expected of her to become a mother and nothing else.

Yes, she knew that becoming a mother had been what she had decided, but June Cleaver she was not. She couldn't be expected to stay home and bake cookies and join the PTA. That would never be who she was. She naively believed that she could be a mother and still keep the other parts of herself. She was impulsive, she was vain, she was a little bit selfish, and she was a person who embraced her sexuality with little inhibition. She could already see all of that starting to chip away. She should be out prowling the night, not chained to a bed for weeks on end. She was fine watching all the plans she had made for herself crumble, but she didn't want to crumble away with them.

It made her sometimes resent the life growing inside of her, and that scared her. What kind of mother resents their own baby? God, she was going to be a terrible mother.

Selina had always thought of herself as adaptable, but maybe this was just beyond her. After all; it's not like she had much of a role model to look up to in that area. Her own mother had made sure of that.

Selina began to think about her own mother more than she ever had in her entire life, and for the first time she began to grieve her. She had been very young when she had died, and she barely had memories to recall. She didn't even know her name. For the first time ever, she wished things had turned out differently. She wished her mother had been a normal mom who baked cookies and joined the PTA. She wished she hadn't been sick and that her very first memory, the singular memory she had of her, was of a bloody bathtub and cold, unstaring eyes looking right through her.

"I try but I just can't get that imagine out of head," she had told Bruce the first night they made love, her eyes welling with tears. "I hope I forget it one day. But I don't think I will."

If she could remember anything else, even the bad parts, she'd at least what not to do.

_Don't let my child find my dead body_, was her only takeaway.

xXx

After more than a week of unbearable tension in the manor, Alfred begged Bruce to make peace with his wife. He had hoped that giving her more space would assuage her anger. Another miscalculation. There was nothing else to do but apologize.

He knocked softly on the door of the guest room where Selina had been holed up for the last couple of days. Selina was sitting curled up on the window ledge. She quickly wiped her face free of tears, when Bruce entered the room softly closing the door behind him.

"I've made you unhappy," he said taking a seat next to her. "I hurt your feels and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel like you don't matter."

"I'm not mad at you," Selina sighed, her voice somewhat hoarse from crying. "I mean I was, but I... don't know."

Her voice trailed off and she stared off into the darkness. Bruce let the silence hang for a long moment.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said, her shoulders sagging.

"Selina, please talk to me," he said placing her hand between his. "Something's obviously wrong."

He was right of course. Trouble was Selina didn't feel like talking. ***

"It's not like you talk to me every time something's bothering you," she said.

Bruce seemed to be considering this. He had spent quite some time thinking about this rift he had. This whole thing could've been avoided if he had just talked to Selina about what's been on his mind.

"Yes, I suppose you're right," he said taking a deep breath. "It's not that I don't want to be with you, because I do. I didn't mean to make you feel like you aren't important, or the baby is more important. I just worry about you. I worry about you a lot. And I can't help but feel that something...something bad is going to happen to you. I just didn't want to put you at risk."

Selina suddenly felt guilty about how bad she had reacted. As it turns out Bruce just needed reassurance, not excoriation.

"Bruce, nothing is going to happen to me."

"You don't know-"

"Bruce," she said softer this time, stroking his hand with her thumb. "Nothing is going to happen to me. Is _that _what all this has been about? Why didn't you just tell me that?"

"I didn't want to worry you or burden you with my...issues."

"Bruce, dealing with emotional baggage is kind of part of the deal."

"And that goes both ways?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Good," he said. "Now it's your turn."

"What? No. That wasn't the agreement."

"You just said-"

"I was talking about you; not me."

"Selina."

"G-d damn it," she sighed. "Fine."

She took a long breath wondering where to even begin. She had probably revealed more about the most intimate parts of her life, even the parts she'd stuffed into the smallest crevice of her psyche, with Bruce than any other person. Still she was not sure how he'd understand the emotional and psychological roller coaster she'd been on for the last few days.

"I've just been thinking that maybe I'm not cut out for this after all. I know that I said I could before, but now- now it's becoming real and I can't run away from it. I-I don't know what I'm doing, and it's not like I had any kind of example to look up to. I don't remember anything about my mother except for..."

She sighed.

"Selina," Bruce said gently. "Your mother was unwell, and you aren't her. You already love her. If you didn't you wouldn't be worried about raising her."

"What if I'm too selfish to raise a child?"

"You aren't."

"I don't even want to give up sex."

"You don't have to and I'm sorry that I made you feel like you did. We can still be whatever we what to be. Maybe not all the time, but we'll find a way to make it work. Together," he said.

Bruce wrapped his arms around Selina's shoulders as she rested her head against his shoulder, taking in his scent.

"You're so good to me," she whispered.

Bruce kissed the top of her head.

"C'mon," he said after a few minutes, standing up.

He took Selina by the hand and lead her to the unmade bed in the guestroom. His lips made their way to her neck and collarbone as he gently laid her across the bed.

"You don't have to do this if you don't want to," Selina said sounding breathless.

"I want to," he said sitting up to take off his shirt and kissed her again on his way down. "Besides you need this."

* * *

References:

(1) Batman: The Telltale Series 1x4

(2) Batman (v3) #28

(3) Catwoman (v3) #83

I'm having a fun writing this fic, but I'm always worried that I'm not getting the characters just right. If I'm doing something wrong, I'd like to know for future reference, so please let me know what you think. What works well and what needs work. The less I doubt myself, the more inspired I feel to keep going.


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